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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450511">If The Lord Gave Me A Second Chance...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteRiverOfYouth/pseuds/WhiteRiverOfYouth'>WhiteRiverOfYouth</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Last of Us: Divergence [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ellie (The Last of Us) Needs a Hug, F/F, Joel (The Last of Us) Lives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:14:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450511</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteRiverOfYouth/pseuds/WhiteRiverOfYouth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel Miller, by some miracle, is given a second chance at life. Can he and Ellie finally repair their relationship? Will Ellie be able to repair her broken relationships? Can the rest of her Jackson crew restore their broken situations? </p><p>Teaser:</p><p>Joel Miller didn't know why Abby Anderson killed him. Truth be told, it could have been anyone in the United States. There was no telling who she was or who she was working for. However, Joel didn't care. He wasn't mad at Abby for her actions. The way he saw it, anyone who was so motivated to track him down across the country and had the ability to kill him had earned the kill. That was just what the world had become. Kill or be killed. Joel had killed many people in his life, he knew his time would come. </p><p>He once told his daughter, Ellie, that if the Lord gave him a second chance to stop a surgery that would have killed her, he'd do it all over again. And while he wouldn't he saving her from a hospital, and he didn't quite know what he'd done to deserve this second chance, the Lord gave it nonetheless.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Last of Us: Divergence [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I'm Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If anyone was awaiting an update on Divergence, I'm sorry. I've deleted the work off of AO3. I didn't enjoy writing it nearly as much as I thought I would, and I didn't want to half ass a story for you guys. I'm replacing that story with this one, and I am really excited about it. I hope you enjoy!</p><p>I wanna also say that Jesse is alive in this fic. This will factor into the story, so while it's not entirely explained in Chapter 1, it will be explained. </p><p>Some Level of Understanding will stay up because I do plan on finishing that story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joel Miller did a lot of shit in his life. Had this been the Old World, Joel probably would have been tried for war crimes in an international court. He may have been labeled as a domestic terrorist. There were a lot of scenarios were Joel would have faced extreme punishment for his crimes against humanity. All the people he has either killed or tortured, all of the blood and bodies on his conscious, it all added up. Until finally, it caught up to him. </p><p>And he'd do it all over again. </p><p>Joel Miller didn't know why Abby Anderson killed him. Truth be told, it could have been anyone in the United States. There was no telling who she was or who she was working for. However, Joel didn't care. He wasn't mad at Abby for her actions. The way he saw it, anyone who was so motivated to track him down across the country and had the ability to kill him had earned the kill. That was just what the world had become. Kill or be killed. Joel had killed many people in his life, he knew his time would come. </p><p>He once told his daughter, Ellie, that if the Lord gave him a second chance to stop a surgery that would have killed her, he'd do it all over again. And while he wouldn't he saving her from a hospital, and he didn't quite know what he'd done to deserve this second chance, the Lord gave it nonetheless. </p><p>He was thankful that the Lord didn't hold much of the post-apocalyptic atrocities he had committed against him. It seemed to Joel that the Lord understood. Humanity had been pushed to this point. And while inexcusable, his actions were understandable. One time, the Lord told Joel that he had done something most people didn't. Joel tried to change his ways. Joel knew deep down his heart that he wasn't a monster. And his actions through saving Ellie, as well as becoming a leader in Jackson, proved as much. </p><p>The Lord didn't place him in California. Instead, he woke up in the old Baldwin Place, a few miles outside of Jackson. He had to look away from the sun as its light poured in from the window. His head was screaming. Despite the aching pain that protested his every movement, Joel pulled himself up and surveyed his surroundings. He noticed the area of dried blood that was now beneath his feet. He also noticed the golf club, which still contained bits of blood, brain, and skull. It was chilling to look at, but it also helped Joel realize that it wasn't a dream. The Lord really did give him a second chance. </p><p>He was sure that the Lord also placed his horse and his backpack in the garage. That was his only explanation. It took him a bit longer to reach Jackson than he initially expected it to. Joel realized along the way that it has been quite a white since he's had to make the journey back home. He doesn't quite know what will be awaiting him, or what reception he'll get, but he has to see Jackson. </p><p>It was honestly all a blur once the Jackson gates came into view. Only two things stuck out to him. First, the looks of absolute disbelief on the faces of those around him. Two, the teary eyed yet confused looks on the faces of Maria and Jesse. The hugs he received from the two of them further established that he really was alive, and relief washed over all three of them. </p><p>Joel Miller had risen from the dead with a new lease on life. </p><p>**************</p><p>Joel, Maria, and Jesse sat around in Maria's living room, not necessarily sure how to proceed. Joel was the first to speak, "How long was I...you know?" he asked, clearing his throat. Maria sighed as the memories of the last year came back to her. The funeral, and the weeks of waiting to see if her dumbass husband would actually come home. The shock of seeing Tommy, Ellie, and Dina in such disarray. The months of tension between not only herself and Tommy, but also between herself and Jesse. It was...a lot. </p><p>"About a year and a few months. Dina and Jesse found you, Tommy, and Ellie in that fucking basement. It's been rough sledding for us if I'm honest." Maria answers. </p><p>"How the hell are you here, Joel?" Jesse cuts in before the gruff Texan can respond.</p><p>Joel looked to Maria and the two shared a short, silent conversation between them. "I uh," Joel started, clearing his throat. "I hurt Ellie. I lied to her about something pretty big. And it nearly tore us apart. I told her the night before that if the Lord gave me a second chance to do what I did, that I'd do it all over again. I guess this is my second chance." </p><p>Jesse eyed Joel with a look of bewilderment. He scoffed and shook his head. "This is un-fucking-believable. Man, I don't know wh--" Jesse was cut off by a knock at the door. The door opened the same time Maria yelled that it was open. In walked a young man, short black hair and brown eyes, with scars all over his forearms and a couple on his face. The man, short on breath and flushed cheeks, had clearly ran over here. </p><p>"Sorry Maria, I got here as quick as I cou-- what the fuck?!" the man said as he tried to correct his breathing. </p><p>"Calvin, surely you remember Joel. Apparently he's back as some form of divine intervention." Maria spoke. The name instantly jogged Joel's memory, and he tensed up a bit. Calvin and Joel didn't end off on the best of terms. Although they were never on great terms regardless. </p><p>"You know I'd making a joke about getting rid of you but I don't feel it today." Calvin remarked with a small laugh. "Never thought I'd say this, but it's good to see you, old man."</p><p>"Likewise," Joel began. "You look like you've been through hell, kid."</p><p>"I don't know, I heard about what happened to you. Still not sure how the fuck you're here, but I'm glad nonetheless." Calvin replied. </p><p>Joel then asked the big question: what had happened in the year that he had been dead?</p><p>Maria and Jesse filled him in for the most part. Joel wasn't entirely happy with Maria for letting Ellie go to Seattle after Tommy, but he understood. He could tell that there definitely was some tension between Maria and Jesse, but only Jesse would broach the topic. "I tried to leave with Calvin, but Maria caught me and put me on lockdown." he said. </p><p>Maria was the one who lightened the tension. "Dina, Jesse, and Ellie have a child. They named him after you, sort of. Jesse Joel." she commented with a small smile. Pride and love swelled in Joel's chest as Jesse provided a picture of his son with his two mothers. Joel noticed a bit of a far away look in Ellie's eyes. It seemed like she was simultaneously there and thousands of miles away. Joel decided not to press it right now. However, the tension was quickly brought back at the mention of Joel's brother Tommy. </p><p>Maria let him in on their separation. "We haven't really been the same since before Seattle. He got rather fucked up out there. Hasn't been the same sense. He really missed you. We all did."</p><p>Before Joel could respond, Calvin heaved a sigh and spoke. "Actually, that's the main reason I sprinted over here. I heard from a couple of people at the dam that Tommy 'found her,'" he began. "Daniel told me that he was intending to ride out to the farmhouse."</p><p>Maria let out a groan, and ran her hands over her face. Jesse let out a quiet, yet harsh, "son of a bitch." Joel sat confused, but his anxiety raised a bit. He wasn't sure why, but he began to feel on edge. Jesse seemed to pick up on this. </p><p>"Dina and Ellie moved out of Jackson a few months ago. Said it was too painful to stay. They moved out to a farmhouse a few miles outside of town. They've got it all fenced in and everything," Jesse quickly added, seeing the worry flash in Joel's eyes. "They moved out there with JJ. I've been out there a few times to visit him, and it's rough. Ellie is struggling, and she won't tell us what's going on."</p><p>"And Tommy plans to capitalize on that, Jesus Christ." Joel spoke harshly. After a minute, he stood, and despite the pleas from the others, Joel headed towards his horse. </p><p>**************</p><p>Calvin and Joel rode towards the farmhouse, much to the younger man's dismay. He knew the Texan riding alongside him was going to do something unbelievably insane. Hell, he man fucking died and came back. The man had his skull caved in and still found his way back to Earth. Doing something unbelievably insane is apparently this mans entire MO.</p><p>As the farm came into view, Calvin signaled Joel to stop. After opening the door to the fence, Calvin broke the silence. "Let me do the talking her old man. Seeing you is going to be a shock for everyone. Best to just hide you for as long as I can." Calvin joked, but the statement was made halfheartedly. </p><p>The two tied their horses to the home's porch. Calvin pulled out a flask, and Joel chuckled. Calvin didn't like to get black out drunk, at least before Joel's death, but he knew Calvin kept a flask of bourbon on him for when he needed to take the edge off. After the young man pulled a swig of his drink, he stepped up onto the porch. </p><p>Calvin's knocks were answered with a sad, tired command to come in. He made his way through the living room, announcing his presence, before heading into the kitchen. He froze at the sight in front of him. Dina, eyes tinted red and swollen from crying, sat on the ground. Her back was up against the counter, and her knees were pulled to her chest. Beside her, a half bottle of Ellie's favorite whiskey. </p><p>"You know, I was going to make a comment about ghosts, but I think I need to be worried about finding another bottle of that whiskey." Calvin joked, but Dina's face didn't display any emotion. She didn't move a muscle. Calvin sat beside her sighed, and apologized. That earned a scoff. </p><p>"It doesn't matter Cal. She's gone." Dina squeaked out, her voice lathered in sleeplessness, defeat, and alcohol. </p><p>Calvin shot her a disbelieving look, which he instantly regretted. </p><p>"She's fucking gone, Calvin. Tommy showed up here a couple says ago with some fucking map of California, and Ellie left in the middle of the fucking night." Dina snapped. She took another drink of the whiskey straight from the bottle as tears filled her eyes again. </p><p>Once she was done, Calvin took the bottle from her. If she was mad, she offered no resistance. Taking a sip for himself, Calvin offered an apology. "I would've been here sooner but I only found out today. And something bizarre fucking happened that I just can't really explain to you."</p><p>"It's fine. I don't think anything could've stopped it, looking back." Dina replied. Calvin tensed a bit beside her, and despite the fact that they weren't touching, she could sense it. She responded with a silent, questioning look. </p><p>"Do you believe in ghosts?" Calvin asked his friend, eyes glued to the whiskey bottle in his hands. Dina looked bewildered for a minute, and offered no verbal response. "Before today, I didn't. But now? I don't think I've got much of a choice." He finished. Calvin stood up, reaching for the cap to the whiskey, and put the bottle away. He walked out of the kitchen and back towards the door. </p><p>Dina didn't hear much as their voices were a bit muffled. But she did make out two pairs of footsteps entering the house. Looking up, her eyes went wide with disbelief. She saw Joel standing there, alive and well. He stood awkwardly, as he did in anyone's home that wasn't his or someone he was related to. It was unmistakably Joel Miller.</p><p>Dina stammered, unable to put together a coherent string of words. Calvin flashed a look that had "I told you so" written all over it. He walked over and whispered, "See? I told you. Bizarre." </p><p>Dina leapt to her feet and ran over to Joel, but stopped herself short. She held her arms out with an awkward cautiousness before slowly enveloping Joel in a hug. The gruff Texan returned the gesture, and when she saw he wasn't going to disappear, she fully leaned into the embrace. </p><p>"I don't know how the fuck you are here, but I swear to your God and mine that if you die again, I'll kill you. Do you understand me Joel Miller?" Dina finished, offering a small laugh at the ridiculousness of her lighthearted threat. Joel flashed a smile as the two pulled back from the hug, and offered a simple "yes ma'am."</p><p>A cry upstairs made Dina and Joel jump, and another round of small laugh broke out. "Well I guess this is as good a time as any to introduce you to you Grandson. Come on." Joel, Calvin, and Dina made their way up the stairs and in to the master bedroom, where a crying JJ stood in his crib. </p><p>Dina picked him up and calmed the upset child. Joel's eyes never left the child, which caused a small smile to form on the lips of his mother. Other two in the room ignored the fact that her smile never crept into her eyes. Dina gently passed JJ off to Joel as tears welled in her eyes once more. </p><p>Holding his grandson in his arms was a feeling he never thought he'd ever experience. Joel remembered quite vividly the feeling he had when he held Sarah in his arms. And hell, even tho Ellie wasn't his by blood, he still remembered the love he felt when he held her in his arms for the first time in the middle of a burning Colorado restaurant. </p><p>He swore then that he'd always be there for her, and in that moment with JJ in his arms, the child's innocent brown eyes staring into Joel's, he swore he'd always he there for his grandson. Joel was brought back to reality when he heard Dina say something about Santa Barbara. </p><p>"What about Santa Barbara?" he questioned, curiosity evident on his face. Calvin sighed a bit and crossed his arms in a show of discomfort. "Ellie's going after Abby. Tommy beat us here. Ellie left a couple of days ago." he supplied. </p><p>Joel went blank for a moment, but after looking down at his grandson, he steeled himself. He handed the child back over to Dina, and readjusted the straps on his backpack. He grab Dina by her shoulders, and with as much conviction as he ever had, he made a promise. </p><p>"I'm gonna go get that girl of yours back."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Paradigm Shift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Joel travels to Santa Barbara while combustible elements collide in Jackson.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! First off, I'd like to say that I'm currently typing this fic completely on my phone as I don't have internet. So I apologize for any grammatical mistakes ahead of time. Once my wifi is back, I'll clean all of this up. </p><p>Also, because it comes up in this chapter, Ellie's last name in this fic is Miller, not Williams.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joel Miller had been to California only twice in his life. The first was a school trip his sophomore year in high school. It wasn't much of anything special, but he recalled that it was on that trip that he first felt affection for Sarah's mother. The second time was shortly before the Cordyceps hit. Sarah had been following some boy band for a while, and Joel managed to scrounge enough money to make a family vacation out of it. </p><p>It was fitting, in a way, that his return to the state involved his daughter. He had returned to Jackson to restock, and despite the pleas from Maria, he decided to head out. If for nothing else, he owed it to Ellie to go to these lengths for her. She had done all of this due to some obligation to him. </p><p>Besides, logically, no one else would be able to pull her back from the edge of the cliff she had ran towards. Dina and their son couldn't do it, Maria and Jesse weren't able to, and Tommy had pretty much given her a map to the cliffside and instructions on how to jump off. And if all of this was because of him, he had to be the one to finish it. </p><p>Joel knew he had a reputation around the country. Word of the Fireflies incident spread quickly once the militia group pulled everyone back to "home base." While their progress towards a cure never got out, nor did Ellie's immunity, everyone knew Joel had saved a little girl from the Fireflies. The incident added fuel to the claims that the militia group were nothing more than incompetent terrorists. </p><p>What Joel didn't think he'd have is a reputation as a dead man. Although, in hindsight, he should've expected it. The world's most dangerous man, the one who had doomed the whole of humanity, had been killed. He reckoned he'd have some reputation, but walking through these lands and hearing these whispers, Joel felt like he had an almost mythic reputation. He wasn't human, whether he was more or less than that had been left up for debate.</p><p>Joel knew the incident had gotten out about six months after it happened. He and Ellie had overcome their initial awkwardness, and things were going great between them. A few traders were passing through Jackson when one of them had a weird reaction to Joel's name. Ellie, Jesse, and Dina were playing around near by, waiting for Joel to finish up with the transaction so they could get on with a movie night. </p><p>The trader took Joel aside. Said he knew exactly who he was. "I don't know exactly why you did it. I wasn't there. But I see you looking over at that little girl, making sure she's okay, even though you know she is. I recognize those tendencies anywhere." The trader spoke a bit about his son, who was lost a few years after the outbreak started. </p><p>"Between you and me partner, I woulda did the same. You make sure she lives her best life." he said as the two shook hands and completed the trade. </p><p>And from that moment on, Joel did just that. He did everything in his power to make sure Ellie lived a safe and healthy life. However, he knew he couldn't keep up forever, and eventually Ellie figured out everything. He knew she'd figured it all out even before he got on his horse and rode to Salt Lake City. As soon as he found the note, he knew. </p><p>In those first few months where Ellie had severed her ties with him, Joel was hurt. He was angry at times, but mostly he was just driving himself deeper and deeper into a pit of self loathing. All he wanted to do was reach out and talk to his baby girl, but sometimes it felt like one of them was nothing but a ghost. </p><p>Eventually, Joel came to a realization: it didn't matter. In the moment, he could admit to himself that his motivations were entirely selfish. He couldn't lose another daughter. He couldn't go through that pain again. He couldn't this, he couldn't that. In that moment, all he thought about was himself. </p><p>However, Ellie was the main underlying constant through all it. And deep down, he wouldn't be having those kinds of thoughts if it wasn't for a love he had developed for the foul mouthed teenager from the Boston QZ. It was weird, but he realized that it didn't matter if she wouldn't talk to him. He'd rather Ellie be alive and hate him, than be dead and love him. </p><p>Of course, he wanted to know it she truly hated him. He at least needed that piece of mind. Joel got that piece of mind on his porch the night before his murder. It was everything he had ever wanted for the last year. He went inside that night and for the first time since Sarah passed away, he cried himself to sleep. </p><p>As he was being tortured and beaten by Abby, he didn't know really what to think. His life didn't flash before his eyes like the movies said. He stopped feeling the pain of it all a long time before she actually took the club to his skull. He didn't really feel anything until Ellie barged into the room. </p><p>At that moment, all he could feel was a love and pain he hadn't felt in 25 years. </p><p>**********</p><p>Joel's reputation as a dead man proceeded any other reputation he had. Joel was left alone by most human groups he encountered. Hunters usually ran away, and trading groups always approached with caution. However, there was one person who seemed unfazed at the revelation that Joel was alive. </p><p>Joel was making his way through a settlement in Mesquite, Nevada. He had a few run ins with infected, but it was surprisingly smooth sailing. The Mesquite settlement reminded him a lot of Jackson in terms of atmosphere. It was a lot warmer than Jackson, but the mountains visible in the distance where definitely a welcome sight. Not to mention, this settlement seemed to be one of the few that didn't immediately try to kill you. Jackson was rather trusting in that way. </p><p>As he made his way through the town center, ignoring the stares and whispers swirling around, he was approached by an aging man. It took Joel a minute to recognize who it was, shock and surprise overcoming all of the gruff Texan's feature. "Holy shit. Bill? Is that you?" </p><p>Bill wore a smile and offered a small, slightly disbelieving laugh. "You know, if there's anyone who'd really come back from the dead, it'd be you." The two shook hands before Bill invited Joel over to his house. True to Bill, it was a house at the end of the street, all to himself. The sky blue paint on the outside was chipping, but that was about the only sign of disarray. </p><p>Inside, there wasn't much. Bill had a living room, bathroom, and kitchen area downstairs. A black leather couch, a rather nice one given the times, sat up against the wall to Joel's left. It was such a stark contrast to Bill's Town back in Massachusetts. </p><p>Bill revealed that a horde overran that town not too long after Joel and Ellie left. He spent the next few years just traveling around before settling in Mesquite. The only time he had left Mesquite was when he had heard of Joel's death. "Had to see it for myself. Tommy wasn't there when I went. That wife of his was devastated." Bill recalled. </p><p>Joel still found it hard to believe Tommy had left for some sort of revenge quest. Before Jackson, Tommy despised Joel. It was easy to see why, he admitted in hindsight. Joel had turned into a monster following the death of Sarah, and he used some vague need to take care of his grown little brother to do fucked up things. And he'd be lying if he said that he didn't enjoy the violence to at least some extent. </p><p>Joel's thoughts were broken by Bill clearing his throat. "That girl of yours came through a couple days ago. Recognized me. Let me tell ya, she's a weird one. But, I gotta say that she does love you, for better or worse." Bill remembered. </p><p>That caught Joel's attention. "Do you think she knows?"</p><p>"About you being the literal walking dead? No. I reckon not. The rumors didn't start passing through here until last night. I think she's about a day ahead of you." Bill replied. </p><p>Joel sighed. "You knew?"</p><p>"About Salt Lake? Joel, everyone knows. You don't just crush the world's foremost resistance group without at least a few people hearing about it," Bill answered. After a long pause, he spoke again. "Looks like you've changed from my vantage point."</p><p>"I'm not the only one. I remember you not trusting a soul. Now look at you."</p><p>"Well, it happens to the best of us."</p><p>Joel had no rebuttal to that point.</p><p>*********</p><p>As Joel made his way to California, Jackson was trying to come to terms with his resurrection. Dina, who had moved back to Jackson after being informed that Joel had indeed gone after Ellie, was one of the few who no longer seemed to ponder the gruff Texan's return. </p><p>But, a storm was brewing in the beautiful Wyoming settlement. </p><p>Tommy received the news a few days later and came down from the dam. Upon realizing that Joel wasn't there, he got drunk at the Tipsy Bison and began openly bragging that he sent Ellie after Abby. He had to be forcibly removed by Jesse. Maria, having been called down due to his outburst, ordered him to be escorted back to his horse. </p><p>Tommy drunkingly made his way down to the stables, Jesse having to help carry him down. A three day patrol had just returned by the time the two reached the stables. Calvin, with a rifle slung over his shoulder and dirt smeared on his skin, caught Tommy's eye on the way out of the stables.</p><p>The two had once been extremely close. When Calvin had moved to Jackson from Seattle, Tommy took the then-teenager under his wing, and they developed almost a father-son relationship. After Joel's death, Calvin's previous affiliation with the Washington Liberation Front split the community's opinion of one of their best patrolmen. The biggest split occured between Tommy and Maria. </p><p>Maria was of the belief that Calvin wasn't Abby. In the two and a half years he had been in Jackson, he had devoted himself to the community. He was always the first to show up for a patrol and was one of the most reliable people on Jackson, despite barely being 20 years of age. </p><p>Tommy, on the other hand, was suspicious. His status in the community added to Tommy's suspicion. This caused a rift between the former soldier and the grieving brother, a rift that only intensified after Tommy and Calvin came back from Seattle. Part of Calvin believed the rift was strictly due to the WLF, but deep down he also figured his disdain for Joel factored in as well. </p><p>The truth was, Calvin knew Abby Anderson, Owen Moore, and the entire Salt Lake Crew. Abby in particular was someone he loved very much. However, they fell through. It was a nasty fight, and it had driven Calvin's decision to leave Seattle and the Wolves behind. Things were too painful, and he didn't feel so inclined to continue fighting some fucked up civil war anymore. </p><p>Calvin's thoughts were interrupted by the stench of alcohol. Tommy had waded over, as best he could, and jabbed a finger in the young man's face. "The hell are you looking at boy? You keep your fuckin eye straight when you look in my direction, you understand?" he slurred. </p><p>That earned a scoff from Calvin. "Best you be worried about fucking walking straight, old man. Now get the hell out of my way." he spat as he tried to move past Tommy. The Texan shoved him back, and promptly slapped him across the face. </p><p>He began taunting Calvin, while pointing out all of the things he'd done for him. Tommy began resorting to this tactic whenever the two fought. Calvin had problems with his anger, but he had been getting better at it. He went from getting into fights every week to not having been in a fight in six months. </p><p>"Jesus Christ you're fucking weak. Your momma's probably looking up from hell with disgust at the way you turned out." Tommy venomously spat. </p><p>And Calvin's patience had entirely run out. </p><p>Calvin's eyes went cold, and he took a step back before he delivered a hard kick right to Tommy's bad knee. As he went to the grown, a cry of pain escaping his lips, Calvin shrugged the rifle off his arm. After taking the clip out and tossing it to Jesse, who'd been standing off to the side, Calvin drove the butt of the rifle into Tommy's face. </p><p>A crowd was forming now, and Calvin could vaguely hear yelling and the distant sound of footsteps approaching. It didn't matter. His vision blurred, his breathing became ragged, and time stood still. He shoved the butt of the rifle into the dirt, and crouched down by Tommy, who was trying to stop the bleeding from his broken nose. </p><p>A soft hand on his shoulder pulled him from the darkness before he ventured too deep. Tears in his eyes, he looked up to see Dina, Maria, Jesse all wearing concerned looks on their faces. He calmed his breathing as Dina retrieved the rifle, and Maria navigated him through the crowd that had formed. </p><p>Later, once Calvin had completely calmed down, Jesse asked why he had thrown the clip to him instead of leaving it in the gun. As the former soldier downed the rest of his whiskey, the answer game without a hint of emotion. </p><p>"So I didn't shoot him."</p><p>*********</p><p>Ellie Miller had always questioned herself. She never felt sure of herself in her own skin. Confident was not a word that could be used to describe her. Ellie was always doubting herself, and always talking herself down. She wasn't deserving of praise, she'd tell herself, and she'd become somewhat uncomfortable with praise following Joel's death. </p><p>She hated herself, plain and simple. She hated herself even more as Seattle took its toll on her. In hindsight, she hated herself not because she didn't stop Abby from killing Joel, but because in Joel's death, she had finally found a purpose in life. And that fact disgusted her. </p><p>Her previous purpose had been being the cure for CBI. She didn't care about the "greater good" as much as she cared about her life mattering. When Joel saved her, that purpose was no longer a possibility. So, she needed something new, but that something new never came. </p><p>Ellie once thought Dina could be that purpose, but her best friend was with Jesse and presumably straight. She thought this would change when the two kissed at the winter dance, but things quickly changed with Joel's death. And after an entire year of lying to herself, she finally gave into the fact that her new purpose was to avenge Joel and kill Abby Anderson. </p><p>But Ellie Miller always questioned herself. From the moment she stepped off the porch of the farm, she had questioned herself. As she passed through Utah, Bill's settlement in Mesquite, Las Vegas, Palmdale, and finally Santa Barbara, Ellie was not sure of herself. </p><p>And those doubts only intensified as she gripped her bleeding side, her weak steps guiding her in the direction she guessed the pillars were. She attempted to distract herself from these doubts by just repeating her targets name. She only stopped when she finally came upon the pillars. </p><p>"Holy..." Ellie breathed. </p><p>She wasn't sure how many of the bodies were still fully intact. There were some bodies that were still breathing, some that the vultures had started picking clean, and some that the they had completely eaten to the bone. Skeletons burned holes into her as she tried to refocus on finding Abby. </p><p>And she did. Abby's skin was a bright red, no doubt a symptom of being left to cook under unrelenting California sun. Blood stained her clothes and face, her having no doubt been beaten during her time at this fucked up Rattler camp. Her hair was dirty and cut haphazardly short, and it seemed as if she lost a bit of her muscle mass due to malnutrition. </p><p>It would be so easy, and maybe even a little cathartic, for Ellie to shrug the silenced rifle off her shoulders and put Abby Anderson out of her misery. But what Ellie saw in this moment wasn't the woman who had killed her father. No, she saw a reflection. She saw all of the pain and devastation that led her to this point in the first place. She could fulfill her new purpose right here and right now, but she couldn't do it. </p><p>Instead, she retrieved the switchblade that had once belonged to her mother, and cut Abby down. Immediately, Ellie tensed, expecting Abby to try and fight. Instead, the other woman went and freed the boy across from her. She didn't know his name, but she recognized him from their fight at the Pinnacle Theatre. The boy that saved Dina's life. </p><p>All Ellie could feel at this point was shame. Shame that she'd abandoned Dina and her child. Their child. Shame that she'd come all this way to kill Abby. Shame that she still thought about killing Abby even though the woman had been through hell and back. Shame that she'd be disappointing Joel. </p><p>Abby said something about boats that Ellie didn't completely hear, but she followed as the former Wolf carried the boy towards the beach. She felt weak, the blood loss becoming a real issue now. Her stich job was rather shitty, but it did the trick until she had to not only fight off Rattler patrols, but she had to fight through their base as well. </p><p>As the two women walked over a small hill, two boats sat in the slightly rocky waters. There was nothing but grey around them. Fog covered everything in the distance. It was a chilling representation of how Ellie felt inside. Hopeless, bleak, and nothing to fight for except some arbitrary revenge mission. </p><p>Ellie chose the boat on the right and lifted her backpack into the rickety craft. She took one last look at her hand, and she saw it. She saw Joel, slack jawed and tortured. There was no deafening buzzing sound, no violence in the vision, no pain gnawing underneath her skin. It was just his face, and with it, came a realization. </p><p>Killing Abby wasn't her purpose, but Joel was. Living the rest of her life as Joel would have wanted was her new purpose. She wanted nothing more than to start the engine and sail back to Jackson, fall into her girlfriend's arms and make this all okay. She wanted nothing more than that, but a voice in the back of her head echoed the words she told Dina that faithful night. </p><p>
  <em>"I have to finish it."</em>
</p><p>Ellie turned around and approached Abby. "I can't let you leave," she let out in a shaky, unsure tone. </p><p>"But I can," came a voice that made both women freeze in their tracks. </p><p>Ellie thought she'd been hearing things until she shared a look with Abby, who had definitely heard it too. Both women turned around to see Joel, standing in the sand, looking between the two. </p><p>Ellie took a few cautious steps forward, while Abby refocused on trying to untie the boat from the tree stump it was tied to. Joel took small, cautious steps forward as if Ellie were a deer that he didn't want to spook. Ellie and Joel met in the water, tears in their eyes. She placed a cautious hand on his shoulders, and when he didn't disappear, threw her arms around his neck. He returned the hug with enthusiasm. </p><p>Ellie and Joel weren't overly affectionate. They did love each other very much, but they weren't huggers. They never really even said "I love you," preferring to let that sentiment be expressed either through actions or be left unspoken. But Ellie couldn't think of a more appropriate response in that moment. The entire prospect of Joel being there when she needed him most was unfathomable to begin with. </p><p>Joel caught Abby's eye and saw a look of respect underneath her confusion. The anger he had seen in her eyes was nothing but a distant memory. Looking down, he saw the boy in the boat, and he shot Abby a look of understanding. Thinking back to the trader all those years ago, he offered Abby simple yet effective advice. "Make sure that boy lives his best life, ya hear?" </p><p>Abby jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, but nodded. She started the engine, and Joel watched as the two disappeared into the California fog. </p><p>Ellie Miller always questioned herself. However, as she sobbed into Joel's shoulder, letting a year's worth of emotion out of her body, she couldn't question this. She couldn't question that somehow, someway, Joel was alive once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys liked the perspective switches. If it was too much, let me know! Don't be afraid to leave comments or anything. I accept all feedback so long as you're respectful. </p><p>Also, how was the surprise Bill cameo? Yay or nay on seeing him in Chapter 3?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hey Angel I Am Here To Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dina and Jesse have a heart to heart; Ellie and Joel find their way to The Farm</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so, so very sorry for my absence. That wasn't planned. I haven't had internet since the beginning of last month, so I'm typing all of this on my phone. That, combined with my personal life being utter shit,  contributed to my absence. </p><p>I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Chapter title is a lyric from Future Days!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You know we can't do this, right?" </p><p>Jesse and Dina sat across from each other on Jesse's front porch. An uneasy tension had fallen between them as the sounds of the late summer party at the Tipsy Bison filled the unseasonably cool air. It had been two and a half months since Joel had left for Santa Barbara, yet for the two on this porch, it felt like years. </p><p>The two had a complicated relationship. They had known each other for longer than they had known Ellie, but they didn't begin dating until after they met their nerdy companion. They were off and on to the outside eye, but Jesse felt as if they were never really on. He wasn't surprised when Dina came to him a year ago and told him everything in relation to her feelings for Ellie. He had suspected that Ellie was unknowingly a cause for all of their breakups, to some extent. </p><p>Jesse hadn't fallen out of love with Dina. And it was that fact that led him to not try and pursue another go with her. She wasn't unhappy with him, but she was definitely happier with Ellie. Jesse knew he'd never have the type of love Ellie had with Dina, and he was okay with that. He just wanted his friends to be happy. </p><p>There was a line that Calvin liked to use that really resonated with Jesse. "If it meant I'd starve, I'd see y'all feast." He didn't know what it meant at first, but after asking his friend, Jesse felt it fit him to a tee. He was the type of person who'd give his last bite of food, his last drop of water, the shirt on his back, you name it. He'd give all of that and more if it meant his friends would be okay and happy. </p><p>So when Dina had started coming around his place more when she moved back to town, he didn't think much of it. He had made his peace with the fact that Dina wasn't in love with him. She was happy with Ellie. However, he noticed that she came over with regularity, and often times without their son. He soon figured out what was going on, and tried his best to refrain from falling back in the vacuum of their failed romance. </p><p>However, Jesse was still in love with Dina, and he gave in. They hadn't slept together, but they'd come close. Jesse had always stopped things before they weren't too far. Truth be told, he felt as if he was taking advantage of Dina. And, even though he genuinely feared Ellie was dead, he felt that he was betraying his auburn-haired friend.</p><p>He looked at Dina, face stained with the silent tears she let go. He searched her eyes for any sign that she reciprocated the deeply held love he had for her, and came up empty. She wasn't in love with him, and that only made his convictions stronger. He had to end this now.</p><p>Dina hadn't replied to his question, but he knew she heard him. "I know you're hurt, and that's natural, but you know we can't do this." He said. </p><p>She sighed, pain and grief clearly evident on her features. She knew he wasn't wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to drop it. She was angry, she felt betrayed, and worst of all, she felt alone. Dina hadn't felt this alone since shortly after her mom and Talia had died. She wasn't alone in a literal sense. She had Maria, Jesse, Calvin, and of course her son. However, she felt a hole in her life that could only been filled by one person. And that person chose a suicide mission over their family. </p><p>In a fucked up way, Ellie leaving made Dina realize that she truly was in love with her best friend. She had always suspected as much, but the way everything seemed to fall apart at the seams told her that this was real. She had a great support system around her, yet she was depressed. Dina, one of the most carefree and joyful people Jackson had ever seen, felt so down on herself that she to only be able to function when alcohol flowed through her. </p><p>"I need this." Dina said brokenly. It was a lie, and they both knew it. Dina didn't need <em>this</em>, she needed <em>Ellie</em>.</p><p>"You need to stop lying to yourself," Jesse began with a gentle firmness in his voice. "I know you're hurt, and I know you're angry. You have every right to be.  But what's going to happen when she's back? Am I supposed to just betray Ellie, and put myself in a position to be hurt when the two of you eventually get back together? Because I can't do that. It's not fair to me, you, or her."</p><p>Dina couldn't help but smile at her friend's loyalty. Even when she was offering to come back to him, something she knew he wanted, he thought of others. He thought of how it'd affect Ellie, and probably how it'd impact others as well. It was one of his most attractive qualities, in Dina's mind. </p><p>However, she knew he was right. She knew it despite every fibre of her being wanting to completely move on from Ellie. She hated her for walking out of their life, but she couldn't help but still love her best friend more than life itself. </p><p>And with this revelation, Dina broke down and sobbed. Months of pent up pain and anger came out as she put her head in her hands to muffle the sounds of her crying. Jesse, being the great friend that he was, sat there the entire time and provided a shoulder to cry on. </p><p>As the sounds of the party further into town died down, both Jesse and Dina prayed Joel returned with Ellie in tow, and both prayed some level of normalcy could return to their lives.</p><p>**********</p><p>Joel and Ellie had little trouble in their journey from Santa Barbara back to Wyoming. By this time, confirmation of Joel's resurrection had spread across the country. The pair still had to deal with infected, but any potential human threat seemed to avoid them like the plague, ironically. </p><p>Joel's death had been confirmed. Polaroids of his grave had slowly circulated, and Abby Anderson had gained a reputation because of her kill. That only seemed to add to the confusion surrounding his reemergence, and much like CBI, people felt as if God had placed Joel Miller back on Earth as some sort of punishment. In the eyes of all remaining survivors, Joel was not human. They didn't know why or how he returned, and they decided to keep their distance. </p><p>And now, as the father and daughter duo made their way through the Wyoming countryside, they shared small conversations. There was a weird tension at first. Their roles from the first five years of their relationship seemed to a have flipped. Ellie was mightily protective of Joel. The gruff Texan was amused, but noticed a cautious fear in her eyes. It seemed as if she thought he'd disappear, and she'd be all alone again. </p><p>As the days pressed on and Joel remained, she lightened up. They avoided the elephant in the room, but their banter was reminiscent of their early days in Jackson. Ellie did briefly touch on Seattle, but mostly spoke about Dina and JJ. Joel felt pride spread throughout his body as she spoke of her son. The love she had for him radiated through every word. </p><p>The two eventually came upon a tire swing, and Ellie's eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh, shit. Joel, this way." she said, taking a right turn.</p><p>Joel followed Ellie for what felt like hours, but was probably only about 20 minutes. Silence fell upon them as they took in the beautiful orange sky above, and expecting the sun to officially set soon. Eventually, a familiar gate came into view, and Joel recognized the farmhouse. </p><p>Ellie led him to a more roundabout way of getting through the fence, and when asked why they didn't just go through the door, she pointed out that they came out on the opposite end. He chuckled at his failure to recognize this. The first thing they noticed was how barren it seemed. The animals were gone, and it seemed a lot of the equipment was taken too. </p><p>Joel had expected the farm to be empty. He had heard Calvin talking with Maria about potentially moving Dina and JJ back to town. However, it seemed as if Ellie both expected it and didn't. The gruff Texan didn't necessarily know how to bring the subject up. </p><p>Eventually, they made their way inside, only to find the home barren of most furniture and all belongings. Dust had started to cover everything. The once familial feeling Ellie felt on this property was absent as she looked around the kitchen and living area. Sighing, she made her way upstairs, leaving Joel downstairs. </p><p>He left her alone for a minute, hearing a door open and close periodically. Joel knew this would be an adjustment for her. His resurrection was an adjustment all in its own. But having the love of your life, or at least the person you love dearly, not be there when you need them most? That's a lot to deal with, Joel knew from experience. </p><p>He found her in the master bedroom, sitting on the pile of sheets and blankets that were ostensibly left for her. Ellie had Joel's watch and the picture of the tense Thanksgiving they shared before his death. There were no tears, but Joel could feel regret and sadness radiating off of his daughter. </p><p>"You kept it." he said, eyes back on the 26-year-old cracked watch. </p><p>Ellie let a short, stiff exhale escape her nostrils has her head dropped, eyes locked onto the dusty floorboards below. She felt tired and almost direction-less. </p><p>"Look, I don't want to pry, bu--"</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>Joel froze at the unexpected apology. </p><p>"I don't know what else to say. I'm just so fucking sorry. I'm sorry for how I treated you, and Dina, and my son. <em>My son.</em>" Ellie rushed out as her breathing got heavier.</p><p>Joel noticed the signs and rushed to Ellie's side. A tentative arm around her shoulder, he spoke softly, "Hey, stay with me kiddo."</p><p>Luckily, she calmed down rather quickly. She sighed again before resting her head on Joel's shoulder. The silence encompassed the two as the darkness of the room finally dawned on Joel. The sun must have set already. </p><p>"Listen kiddo, you have nothing to apologize for. I hurt you in a way that I couldn't imagine at the time. And even now, I still don't fully understand it. While I'm not sorry for stopping the Fireflies, I am sorry for lying to you about it," he said after another drawn out bout of silence. </p><p>Ellie digested the words before responding. "I know we still got our shit to work out, but I want this work. I lo-- I care about you Joel. And I don't wanna be a stranger to you anymore."</p><p>Joel's mind rewound to the night before his death. <em>I don't think I can forgive you for that...but I'd like to try.</em> He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he knew he, at the very least, would get the chance to finally do right by his daughter. </p><p>"I'd like that." he responded in the same shaky breath he had that night. </p><p>And as if she caught on, Joel saw a ghost of a smile flicker on his face.</p><p>"Okay."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There we are! Joel and Ellie are going to get their chance at a second chance. Next chapter: Ellie and Joel return to Jackson, and Dina struggles with Ellie's return. Also, a bit of tension between Maria and Jesse. </p><p>I will do everything I can to have the next chapter up soon! I love each and every one of you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Trials and Tribulations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ellie and Joel return to Jackson. Dina struggles with how she feels. Maria and Jesse get into a bit of an argument, again. </p><p>Features talk of gasoline and more information about Calvin.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think I updated in a bit of a timely manner for once, wow. I nearly finished this last night, but I ended up watching The Game Awards instead. The Last of Us Part II is Game of the Year!!!</p><p>I gotta go take an exam now, enjoy the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Calvin found them the next morning. Joel and Ellie had fallen asleep in the master bedroom. The young woman on the bed and the gruff Texan on the hardwood floor. The sound of a running engine startled Joel, and he startled Ellie. The two crept their way downstairs, guns drawn, waiting for whoever it was to show themselves. As they reached the bottom, they heard a noise, and turned to their right, only to be staring down a barrel. </p><p>Instinctively, the father daughter pair pointed their guns, only to freeze in shock. </p><p>"Joel? Ellie? Holy fuck." Calvin breathed, taking the always present baseball cap off his head, revealing his short black hair while he wiped his brow. Lowering the semi-automatic rifle that was strapped around his chest, he heaved another sigh as the two in front of him also lowered their weapons. "Scared the shit out of me."</p><p>"What, uh, what are you doing out here?" Ellie asked, not looking Calvin in the eye. </p><p>"I was tasked with coming and getting your shit." Calvin said not unkindly, but a hint of frustration was laced in the words. </p><p>Joel stepped forward but Calvin assured him he meant no harm. This assurance was accepted, for now. Nodding, Calvin wordlessly stepped beside the two and headed upstairs. </p><p>Joel and Ellie helped pack most of the contents from the auburn-haired girl's old art studio into the bed of Calvin's fixed up pick up truck. With Joel climbing in the passenger seat and Ellie in the back, the engine was ignited. Joel was the first to ask about the car.</p><p>"After your death, Maria set about trying to expand Jackson's business. We had an underground marijuana ring going that only myself, Maria, Tommy, and Eugene knew about, but other than that, we had no real specialty. Teton Village works with weapons and make their own ammunition. South Park works with leather and make new clothes, Hoback is skilled in making and producing blades." Calvin began explaining as they three took one last look at the farm in the rearview. Ellie chose not to comment on her and Dina's escapade in Eugene's weed den, but filed that bit of information away for later.</p><p>"We had nothing other than pot, but that doesn't garner major returns in trade anymore. So, we started brainstorming, and while out on patrol, Jesse and a group with him found warehouse just fucking full of gasoline. It was insane. There had to be hundreds of barrels of the stuff. And, as you know, we have a lot of mechanics around town. Maria ordered them to start checking out which cars around town were salvageable. Turns out, a lot more than we thought."</p><p>Calvin went on to explain that Jackson found a few more warehouses of gasoline, and connected them to an old oil refinery not too far from the settlement. They were a bit shocked. The town now had access to thousands of gallons of gasoline and had people who could fix up cars. Jackson had found their specialty. </p><p>"We ended up sending teams out to build wired fences around each warehouse and clear those areas of infected." Calvin finished. Ellie remembered those days where her, Jesse, and Calvin were off on those week long assignments. It hurt leaving a pregnant Dina behind, but it was work that needed to be done. Ellie needed an escape from the torment she felt over Joel's death, and working with her two best friends was never a bad thing. </p><p>"Why were <em>you</em> the one who was tasked with coming out here, Mr. Patrol Captain?" Ellie questioned as they continued towards the settlement. She noticed Calvin's grip on the steering wheel tighten as he sighed. After Maria prevented Jesse from going to Seattle, he and the town matriarch got into a very heated confrontation in front of the entire town. It resulted in Maria stripping Jesse of his status as patrol captain. That title was then given to Calvin. </p><p>"I am on <em>probation.</em>" he explained, the last word dripping with bitter sarcasm. </p><p>This surprised Joel. She couldn't imagine Calvin getting on his sister-in-law's bad side. As if the young man could feel the question rattling in the gruff Texan's head, he answered. "I nearly killed your brother, old timer."</p><p>A deep sigh left Joel's lips, and a questioning glare urged Calvin to keep going. "He came to town a few days after you left. Was so full of fucking hope when he caught wind of you returning. But, you weren't there, so he got drunk then got in my face." he huffed in frustration, closing his eyes. </p><p>"He brought up my mom."</p><p>Joel and Ellie could <em>feel</em> the pain and anger radiate throughout the cab of the truck as they drove, but they understood. Calvin's mom was a sore spot for him. They knew she was a former Firefly, and that she "died tragically." He was able to talk about the positive aspects of his relationship with his mother, but the pain was too raw for him still. </p><p>And after losing Joel, Ellie understood, and that made her all the more appreciative that he was back with her. </p><p>Joel placed a comforting hand on Calvin's shoulder as they drove the rest of the way in silence. </p><p>**********</p><p>"So if it's not you, who's patrol captain? Jesse?" Joel asked. He and Calvin were sat in a booth in the expanded seating section of The Clay Pit BBQ. The BBQ joint was right across the street from the clinic, where Ellie was currently being treated for the injuries she sustained before Joel found her in Santa Barbara. The two men moved all of Ellie's belongings into her old apartment behind Joel's house, despite her insistence to stay <em>in</em> the house. </p><p>Calvin scoffed, his fingers swirling around the rim of his glass of rum and coke. "God no. Maria and Jesse just barely started talking again. And you won't believe this, but she made fucking <em>Cat</em> interim patrol captain." Calvin answered humorously. </p><p>A small smile broke out on Joel's lips. It wasn't that Cat wasn't capable out on patrol, but it never seemed like Cat was ever interested in the role. She honestly had never seemed all that interested in patrol in general, but it beat fucking farm rotation. Cat knew the position wasn't permanent, but she was damn good at it from what Calvin had heard. </p><p>"It's kinda weird though. She...changed a bit after your death. I mean, we all did, but with Cat? I don't know." Calvin provided. </p><p>It was true. Ellie's ex-girlfriend was very lively, loving, and caring. The breakup with Ellie cracked her armor a little bit, but it wasn't until after Joel's death and Team Jackson's return to town that the change became noticeable. She went from the life of the party to somewhat distant. She went from someone without a care in the world to someone with a focused determination. She wasn't cold towards anyone, perse, but she wasn't the same girl that arrived in Jackson with her parents when she was just 12 years old. </p><p>Joel and Calvin sat for a few minutes in a comfortable silence before the door to the restaurant opened. A hushed argument between familiar voices filled the air, but they stopped short at the sight of the two men. Maria and Jesse rushed over and hugged both men as relief washed over the two, before they returned to their argument. </p><p>"We've had this discussion a million times--"</p><p>"You could've fucking let me go! I could've helped them!"</p><p>"Goddamnit Jesse, I needed you here!"</p><p>"You made me sit by for months thinking my fucking frien--"</p><p>"Enough!"</p><p>Joel's voice killed the argument as three pairs of eyes stared into his, all with different expressions ranging from confusion to amusement. "Y'all are giving me a damn headache with this nonsense." </p><p>Maria sighed. "Sorry, we just saw Ellie at the clinic and..yeah." she explained, looking away. Jesse spoke up next. "Look, Maria and I don't agree on a lot anymore, but thank you, Joel. We all love Ellie and it was hard watching her struggle like that."</p><p>Maria agreed. "We hope that whatever you guys got going on can be resolved. And we're thankful you're back."</p><p>Joel flashed a small smile and a thankful nod before excusing himself to go check on Ellie. </p><p>**********</p><p>Dina Martinez, much like everyone else in the apocalypse, had been through a lot of shit. Dina had watched both her mother and sister die in front of her. She has had to kill nearly every day since the age of 10. She has experienced a ton of loss. And yet, it all paled in comparison to the night Ellie walked off their porch on the farm, and abandoned their family. </p><p>The last three and a half months were the most difficult months of Dina's entire life. </p><p>Truth be told, if JJ wasn't in the picture, she might not be as mad as she was. She might even understand why Ellie made her choice. But every time she feels her anger subsiding, and feels the pain ease up for just a second, she looks down at her beautiful son. And in that moment, she doesn't understand it at all, and she's not entirely sure she wants to understand it. </p><p>Dina can handle being abandoned herself, but the fact that Ellie could look at what was supposed to be their son and still walk out to pursue some twisted fucking suicide mission was something Dina couldn't grasp. She couldn't begin to understand. </p><p>It felt as if they just weren't good enough. That Ellie just felt an obligation to stay with Dina because of their son, and Ellie took the first train she could get on that led her away from the relationship and her parental responsibilities. And the rage Dina felt, the burning fucking anger that gnawed in her chest, was unmistakable. </p><p>And yet, as Dina admitted to Jesse not too long ago, she was still in love with Ellie. Every night, she'd go to sleep cold, missing the warmth Ellie provided. Every morning, she'd wake up and long to be tucked into Ellie's side, or hear the auburn-haired girl masterfully play the guitar for her son, <em>their son.</em></p><p>As angry as she was with Ellie, all Dina really wanted was her best friend back. </p><p>Jesse's father, Robin, was the one to tell Dina of Ellie and Joel's return. Dina excused herself to go "clear her mind," but she had made her mind up instantly. She couldn't do it right now. She couldn't face a person she wasn't entirely sure she would even recognize. The pain would still be too raw.</p><p>Instead, she went to Joel's house. It wasn't that far from where her and JJ currently lived. As she approached the home, the sight of the old bouquets caused her to drift back to the day after Joel was killed. Walking up the steps to the porch, Dina felt both pain for her friend but appreciation that the town showed their respects. It wasn't that Jackson disrespected the dead. It was that in the apocalypse, people seemed to just accept that death happened. Very rarely did someone's death shake the town as a whole. It was a testament to the man he was, and unbeknownst to Dina, the man he had become.</p><p>"Where'd you go?" Calvin's foot shook Dina from her thoughts. He was sitting on the pulled-down tailgate of his pick up. It was parked right outside Calvin's house across the street. He was wearing a grey coat to protect him from the unseasonably chilly September air. She noticed the shoulder patch.</p><p>"You kept their coat?" she asked, an eye on the WLF patch.</p><p>He chuckled, noticing where her gaze fell. "I added the patches, so I feel like that makes the coat mine. If it makes you feel better, I technically stole this." he said, swinging around the semi-automatic rifle that was still strapped around his chest. </p><p>Dina let out a slightly genuine laugh. "Fuck them Wolves, right?" He nodded with a laugh of his own. "Hey Cal, do you know where Joel is?"</p><p>He froze, but only for a split second. "Yeah, he's at the clinic with..." he trailed off, knowing he didn't need to finish. "Wanna come inside for a minute?" </p><p>Dina nodded, and made her way inside Calvin's place. It was very modest. A couch in the living room, with a coffee table and a TV with a DVD player. Posters of athletes and music artists hung on the powder blue walls. Apple spice filled the air as she entered the kitchen. She noticed the incense stick burning and laughed. </p><p>"These things again?"</p><p>"Hey fuck you, they're amazing."</p><p>They sat at the kitchen table across from each other for a minute. Dina sipped from a glass of water as she absentmindedly twisted her fingers in the palm of her other hand. A nervous habit she picked up from a certain redhead. Calvin laughed, a sympathetic smile on his face. </p><p>"You are so fucking smitten with that girl it's insane."</p><p>"And yet I'm still so fucking angry with her." was the reply. Calvin ignored her ignoring the smitten comment. </p><p>"Understandable. It's not easy to forgive the person you love the most when they hurt you significantly." Calvin said, his thoughts drifting to Abby Anderson. </p><p>"Sounds like you speak from experience." Dina commented.</p><p>"I speak from the perspective who hasn't forgiven that person yet. And truthfully, I don't know if I'll ever get a chance."</p><p>"Would you?" Dina asked, her brown eyes never leaving Calvin's brown eyes.</p><p>"I honestly can't say," Calvin sighed. "I don't see a way things would be the same."</p><p>"Would you?" Dina asked again. </p><p>Calvin's brow furrowed, "I alre--"</p><p>"No!" Dina's voice raised a bit. "If you were in my position, would you take her back?" she asked, a fiery determination in her voice. </p><p>Another sigh left Calvin's lips as he rocked back in his chair, taken aback by the unexpected question. He spoke again once the front legs of the chair found their way to the floor.</p><p>"No. I don't think I would," Calvin began as he brought one foot to sit on the table between them. "But you aren't me Dina. You're sweet and caring and all of that. I'm only outgoing because when I'm alone, I feel like this house swallows me up. I'm outgoing to cope, you're outgoing naturally." </p><p>She was surprised at his vulnerability. "I didn't expect that..."</p><p>Ignoring that, Calvin continued. "Dina, how many times have you fought with Ellie? Joel? Maria? <em>Tommy?</em> And how many times have you forgiven them?"</p><p>"This isn't the same.."</p><p>"That isn't my point.."</p><p>"What if you were me?"</p><p>"Excuse me?'</p><p>"Calvin, what would you do if you were me?"</p><p>He paused for a minute. "Look, I can't tell you what exactly to do. But if I were you, I'd take some time to figure out what the fuck I want."</p><p>Dina remained silent, her eyes on the ground. She took a deep breath, and downed the rest of the water. She nodded, rose from her seat, and wordlessly headed towards the door. </p><p>It was time for Dina Martinez to figure out what the fuck she wanted.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title for the fic is part of a quote from the game. "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment, I'd do it all over again." ~ My unapologetic loving king Joel Miller.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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